xDDD This isn't even a fanfic. We could just say that... erm, Rayne in the story is... O.o a modern kikyo reincarnation.. xD



“What’s left…?” came a broken cry, breaking the almost eerie silence throughout the frosted forest. Black tears stained her porcelain features. She bit back a sob, a razor resting loosely in her left hand. She used to live only for Buddha, being a priestess for the shrine since the age of sixteen. “I’ve failed my people,” she said quietly, while taking a glance at the silver instrument. It shimmered in the translucent moonlight invitingly, beckoning her forward. Her slate pools settled on the blade, as she thought over the many possibilities. “Failed…” she repeated sadly. She dug her hands into her billowing robes, attempting to locate what she needed in order to end it all. Her hands came out, along with a bundle of miscellaneous items. There was a small, Japanese, brush, paper, and some black ink. With each brushstroke, a new droplet of pain smeared down her neat penmanship like a broken promise. The maiden bowed her head as her writing ceased. She dropped her dampened brush and it landed painlessly by her side. The almost forgotten razor whispered her name in the light breeze, “Rayne.” She cupped it in her hands gently as if it would shatter at any moment. She raised the blade soundlessly to her scarred wrist and a silent tear crept down her cheek like a prayer.

It was ten years ago. She twirled a sliver of black hair around her finger, and her eyes were glazed over with misery. Her black veil cast over her beautiful face and it shadowed her cold, smoky gray eyes. Her mind was shrouded with confusion but mostly regret. A pair of twin caskets lay in the center of a small gathering of loved ones. The casket on the right held a man who looked to be in his early forties. The one on the left was a woman that looked to be of same age.

“Rayne,” a feminine voice called. Rayne didn’t bother looking up. She already knew who it was. “Aunt Melody,” she answered emotionlessly, holding out a manicured hand. “Sweetie…” the elder cooed as her cripled hand wound its way around her neices,“please, come and live with your uncle and I… You’re only fifteen, you know you can’t live without your mom and da--…” Rayne icily cut her off before she could complete her statement. “I don’t want to hear this. Leave me be. I can make my own decisions." Melody seemed hurt but she nodded and left Rayne’s line of vision. Rayne walked over to the center caskets gracefully, her long satin gown trailing behind her softly. She clenched and unclenched her fists nervously, biting her lip slightly, then brought a delicate finger up to the edge of her mother’s casket and traced it along the complicated pattern. A single tear leaked from a lead orb, leaving a long line of black eyeliner in its wake.

Blood oozed from the open gash that hovered just above a major artery. She cringed at the sight. She hadn’t seen anything like it before. The blood began to thicken as she cut the wound even deeper. She suddenly sucked in a sharp breath. The artery was sliced. She cried out in intense pain as the wound only worsened, profusely forming a puddle of lush crimson at her feet. It stained her ivory robes an intense, deep red. Her whole world started to blur and her peripheral vision gave out. ‘Am I free…?’ she thought with a deep sigh. Her eyes began to flutter shut, then she started to inhale more slowly. Her note still clenched in a small palm. Life began to ebb through her fingers like grains of sand; the hourglass of life was almost empty.

The note read, “All my life, I’ve stood next to Buddha. I’ve sworn to never sin, yet the seven sins… Those seven sins are not strangers to me. I’ve sinned too many times to count, and for that I apologize. I didn’t deserve the shrine. I didn’t deserve my parents. I didn’t deserve my life. Those seven sins convinced me. It was my time.

Kouman.
Donyoku.
Shitto.
Gekido.
Nikuyoku.
Boushoku.
Taida."

“These sins ruled my life, and tainted my very soul. I can’t help but wonder, ‘why?’ All things come to an end, correct? I had nothing to live for anyway. My life was too full of regret. I’m sorry. I know I should’ve stayed strong, but it’s so hard when… no one is there to care...
-Rayne.”

Beautiful...Just beautiful. I loved it. Where did you get that? That's awesome. Oh by the way i will be writing a story at one point. Be sure to check it out! Once again I LOVED that stroy. It was so deep...

Deep. NIce, really. I loved it. (but then again if you look at my pics........

It was very well described, better than I can ever wish to be.

~Vampire Citty.

reactions:

- damm good for an eleven year old. You've got a talent.

- "If you meet the Buddah along the road, kill him."
~~ some buddhist

- A bit heavy on the adjectives and similes. You're not H.P. Lovecraft. No offense, but IMHO the writing isn't quite epic enough to warrant so many. But that's just me.
- A few mixed metaphors, something to worry about when you have as many as you do.
- Ya, you've a few misused adjectives, too.
- Minor grammar errors

- How old is Rayne? "being a priestess for the shrine since the age of sixteen," that line is worthless without another age to compare it to.
- Heh, she kept the razor in her hand while digging through her pockets and writing calligraphy, and forgetting she had it.

0.0 after you pointed thoughs out... actually.....

yeah.... he's right, but... ummm... Yiggy, a little..... strictly put since he was only 11 when he made it... BUt I guess that doesn't mean he couldn't have edited it, huh?

Yeah, it's a little too deep, when I think about it. If a book was like that, you know, describing things THAT muxh, I mean, it's too much. I think you should've spent more time explaing Rayne, yeah. I mean, yeah, you explained some of her backround and everything, you covered alot of the image, too..... but it's just, they dont really stand out because they are mushed with other descriptions of things that dont even relate to it... I dont like being deescriptive that much... and I get bored of it too soon when I do. Same with reading them.

No offense, either of you. ^.^

Heh, I know I was being overly-critical. It's just that I find editing essays really fun. I should be an english teacher.

lol, thaTS EXACTLY WHAT MY 6TH GRADE TEACHER ALWAYS SAID.

then, at the end of the year... she kept pressuring me to be a professional writer... I write better thqn I do on the forums, I do... I just... I dunno, dont wanna do that but, man, the pressure she gives meee! (she even EMAILS ME! @.@) sometimes I have to stay up really late to write her a story... its just striaght like: on the computer keyboard....

anyways, good sory. Oh, and yiggy, man, Me and you gotta meet each other more, I mean... uhh... yeah... Cause I've got a couple friends who say your nice, and I want more friends on here! *cries* I feel all lonely with as few PMS that I get lately....

Like, omg wtf?
Yeah.
xD
I could go back and edit it, but meh. I was looking through old papers, and found this.
It's not that bad, but it does over describe and misuse adjectives. I was just trying to use big words or something. =\ It was an essay, and we were supposed to include similies and metaphors. =| When I look back I think it sucked, but I decided to post it anyway. xD
I've improved muchly. Maybe I should write a fanfic soon. =O

Very good....i loved it